Art for Dummies

Jen Chaudhry

Originally posted on Justsomething.com

The following is a funny guide that’ll help you link famous painters and their style and paintings together in the future. Even though it was conceived as a joke you will realize how this list captures the essence of each artist, resulting in the end actually useful.

If the men look like doey-eyed girls, then it’s Caravaggio.
If everyone has giant asses, then it’s Reubens.
If everybody has some sort of body malfunction, then it’s Picasso.
If the paintings have tons of little people in them but otherwise seem normal, it’s Bruegel.
If the paintings have lots of little people in them but also have a ton of crazy bullshit, it’s Bosch.
If it’s something you saw on your acid trip last night, it’s Dali.
If the images have a dark background and everyone has tortured expressions on their faces, it’s Titian.
If everyone – including the women – looks like Putin, then it’s van Eyck.
If everyone looks like hobos illuminated only by a dim streetlamp, it’s Rembrandt.
If everyone is beautiful, naked, and stacked, it’s Michelangelo.
If the painting could easily have a few chubby Cupids or sheep added (or already has them), it’s Boucher.
If you see a ballerina, it’s Degas.
If everything is highly contrasted and sharp, sort of bluish, and everyone has gaunt bearded faces, it’s El Greco.
Dappled light but no figures, it’s Monet.
If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it’s Frida.
Dappled light and happy party-time people, it’s Renoir.
Dappled light and unhappy party-time people, then it’s Manet.
It it looks like an Excel sheet with colored squares, it’s Mondrian.

6 thoughts on “Art for Dummies”

  2. Look at my picture. Whoever put that in for me, you got it wrong. I’m NOT that good looking, but thank you 😀

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  3. What an awesome post, honey. Funny and perfect for an art dummy (a.k.a your husband)💡. Keep your brushes flowing and the dream alive! Love You ❤️

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