For my second attempt at Abstract Art, I really wanted to do something BIG, Bold, and meaningful. Since Nancy’s class in 2019 I had been thinking a lot about what kind of art I would like to make next – what would be personal, meaningful, inspirational, almost spiritual in nature and less demanding on my body. I spent a lot of time pondering about what Nancy had said regarding “How does one make a body of work?“
It is complicated, personal, [it] usually has some aspect of an intellectual construct, and has to be something that makes you curious and seems harder than what is possible… It can’t be forced or faked, that never works. You will have to mess up a lot before you actually find it; trial and error is the only way to go about it.“
Nancy Mitchnick, 2019
After relentless hours of rumination I came up with an idea that my “body of work” would be about my journey — mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually — with this body of mine. Once I set my mind on this path, I was flooded with ideas and images. I saw myself creating multiple paintings based on the different parts of my body depicting the pain, the metal and the screws, the unrelenting emotional baggage in my mind, all set up like the Vitruvian man. I could visualize it spread out against a white Gallery wall in the shape of a body. What a show it would be!
Next, I would paint multiple abstract images showing my various states of mind, the up-and-down roller coaster of dealing with chronic disease(s) for 50 something years. I can envision it being extremely cathartic for me and maybe for others who suffer with chronic disease, pain and depression. But then I thought, “This is so depressing, who the hell would go to this?”
I began scribbling out a bunch of ideas. The thing I kept coming back to is the up and down nature, the unpredictability, living with chronic disease. In my mind I saw a series of steps along the side of a mountain, starting from when I was young to where I am now; heading upward when things were good, down when I had a setback, plateauing when things were just okay. I mapped these out onto a piece of drawing paper. They reminded me of the Great Wall of China. Like The Tower card in the Tarot, the mountainous steps are my Tower; feeling like one step forward and 3 steps back, how would I ever reach the top?
I thought about my overall emotions; what was I feeling as I relived these painful moments? And, do I even want to go there for months at a time while creating? I began to think of how actors prepare for emotional scenes, reliving their own personal trauma in order to connect with the audience. I was working hard Not to get swallowed up and pulled back down into the abyss, so although I loved the idea of this “Body of Work,” I wasn’t sure that I was emotionally (or physically) ready to take this on. At least not now.
However, I did have to create one painting for class, so I focused on how I could best express my emotions onto the canvas. This is what I came up with. I had so many ideas that I wanted to express on this one canvas, but I had to pull back the reigns. I knew I wanted to include a mountain. It represented my challenges, the water represents my tears, the white background represents the sterile, white operating rooms that I had been in way too many times. I guess the eye represents me; peeking out from the depths, feeling lost, weighed down by the unrelenting crashing waves of chronic disease and depression.
I don’t believe this painting is done. It has sat like this since I made it in 2022. (I am writing this in 2024). I’m just not sure what else to do with it. Maybe it is done; maybe it is the start of my “Body of Work.” Time will tell…
JenLynnArt 
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