Even the best marriages need a tune-up every now and then and ours is no exception. So, after 20+ years, I finally convinced B to join me in talking with a marriage therapist. We had done some pseudo work a few years back, but at that time we were more focused on the boys than on our relationship. Deborah came recommended and we Zoomed with her every week for several months beginning in late summer of 2021. Of course, marriage therapy isn’t covered by our insurance company — which is a CROCK OF SHIT — but don’t get me started on that topic! However, it is cheaper than a divorce 😂
One of the most valuable parts of couples therapy is having an objective party to act as a mediator/interpreter; someone that hears both of your points of view and provides a path to understanding for the other, because sometimes it can feel like we are speaking two different languages and there is no interpreter.
Writing this now reminds me of the old Eastern parable about the elephant and the group of blind men; each one, feeling a different part of the elephant and defining it based on their experience. None of them are wrong from their limited point of view, but none of them are correct either, because they do not have the entire picture. Sometimes, a relationship can feel like that elephant, with each person holding steadfast to their own truth, unable or unwilling to see the others viewpoint.
The very first meeting, Deborah provided us with the:
Rules For Fair Fighting
- No Degrading Language
- No Blaming
- No Yelling
- No Use of Force
- No Talk of Divorce
- Define Yourself, not your spouse
- Stay in the present
- take turns speaking
- when necessary, use time-outs
While the “rules” seem like common sense, in the heart of an argument, they’re easily forgotten. Over the span of 20+ years of marriage, with the exception of #4, I can honestly say that we haven’t always followed the rules. And I can bet, if you’re honest, you probably haven’t either. Deborah suggested we put this list where we can see it — to remind ourselves of its importance.
WORDS AS ENERGY IN THE QUANTUM FIELD
I have come to understand through my personal studies in Quantum Physics and Spirituality that everything is made up of energy existing in the Quantum Field. At our core, even humans are made up of energy vibrating at very low frequencies which cause us to appear as solid matter. Even our thoughts, words, feelings and emotions are all different forms of energy. Dr. Joe Dispenza states that E-motions are really just Energy-in-motion.
He explains that our thoughts and feelings create our emotions and our emotions create our thoughts and feelings; forming a never-ending feedback loop. From our very first breath, this dynamic information loop informs our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, for better or for worse.
When the energy of difficult emotions becomes stuck in our body, places of discomfort and eventually dis-ease will appear if left unchecked for too long. Louise Hay goes so far as to say that every disease is caused by trapped energy in the body. This is why it is especially important to be aware of what you say to yourself, your loved ones and the world at large.
Nobody is perfect. We all beat ourselves up from time to time and say hurtful things to others, the people we love, and especially to ourselves. But, when you think of our feelings and emotions through the lens of the Quantum Field, it becomes apparent that we must be mindful of our thoughts and become impeccable with our words!
JenLynnArt 
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